Embracing our Gray Hair... Glowing Gray

Have you considered letting your hair go gray? If so, what was your decision process?

The Wisdom She Wrote team compared stories about how we decided to embrace or resist the “glow-gray” trend. Here are our stories. A common theme for all of us is that we didn’t go gray alone. We talked to our friends before taking the plunge. A couple themes that drove our decisions:

Time is precious and coloring takes time that we’d rather spend traveling, eating delicious food, and visiting friends.
We feel healthier without the chemicals.

Here are a few of our stories of transitioning to gray. We’d love to hear yours.

Why did you decide to go gray?

FRANCINE: I decided to go gray once I chose my retirement date. My hair began to thin after menopause and I knew that the hair color, no matter how natural a product I could find, was contributing to it.

I truly did not care about being gray while I was still working.

I was more concerned about having a polished look during the process. I did not want that two-toned look; it’s just not professional.

CHRISTY: For me, time became too precious for long salon visits.

I was in my early fifties when I decided to go gray, although my hair had made plans much sooner. At the time, I was traveling a lot for work. On long-haul flights to wonderful locales, such as Mumbai, Tokyo, London, Germany, Vietnam, and Singapore. The last thing I wanted to do was sit for two hours to get my hair colored.

I’m not sure why I enjoyed spending hours in hair salons when I was much younger. Maybe the salons had a buzz of youth and glamour? I invested my share of time getting styled, foiled, glossed, and sometimes up-do’ed for special occasions. But as the years passed that all changed.

JULIE: During the pandemic getting to a salon was last on the list. I have been dyeing my hair since I was 20 and I had been thinking for years how I would transition to gray. Sheltering at home provided the perfect timing for the growing-out period.

When did time become so precious?

CHRISTY: Maybe it was when I got my first dog. More likely it was when I was balancing children and my career. My tolerance for hours in the salon went to zero. When my kids were young, we all went to the salon together. The kids and husband would get their trims during my coloring. Oh, and my kids would help sweep up the salon which they thought was great fun.

JULIE: I reached a point, between getting the kids to school, shopping, meal preparation, and working, the last thing I wanted to do was spend time hair coloring. Not at the salon. Not at home.

Once I took up gardening, the decision was simple. Hands down, I would much rather spend my precious spare moments in my garden. I get so much more joy from my dahlias and roses, than I do from a fresh new hair color.

What was your transition process and how long did it take?

FRANCINE: I consulted with my hairdresser and we decided to tone down the gold tones in my blonde hair color to a more ash tone and then add in highlights which would blend in with my gray as it grew in.

JULIE: It was always a matter of when not if. I had been reading articles for years about how to transition to gray. During the pandemic getting to a salon was last on the list. I had been dyeing my hair since I was 20 and enough was enough. Sheltering at home provided the perfect timing for the extremely awkward growing-out period.

My hair grows surprisingly fast, so by the time we were on the other side of quarantine, I decided to chop the colored hair off. It was shorter than I’d worn it for years, but I was happy with the result.

CHRISTY: I was fired by my colorist. She said I was making a big mistake and referred me to another stylist who created a multi-year transition process for me. The first three years my transition to gray consisted of a trim and a simple ash-colored toner every 6-8 weeks to help blend my uncolored roots and ends. I didn’t chop off my shoulder-length hair to accelerate the grow-out process. I’m not saying I was on-trend, but balayages were all the rage then. Now my natural color has wisps of white around the crown and neckline and the rest is ashen gray. It’s still fine and soft, not frizzy or coarse. I brighten the whites with purple-toned conditioner in the shower.

What was the hardest part?

FRANCINE: As Tom Petty said “the waiting is the hardest part.” My hair does not grow as fast as it used to.

I wish I was a human Tressy (does anyone remember that doll?). You pressed a button on her stomach and her hair grew!

JULIE: The hardest part is my daughter hates it. She says it makes me look very old. I think I’m providing a good example! Ha!

Do you feel older or less visible with gray hair?

CHRISTY: I had a Chrissy doll and my sister had Velvet, I think they did the same thing, Fran!

I remember showing up at my daughter’s basketball game after my first “glow-gray” salon visit. My eleven-year-old daughter was mortified. I was already the oldest mom of all of her friends, now I would look like the oldest too! Yet it was important for her to see that my decisions about myself were all mine. I wanted to model that for her. Then she got used to it.

FRANCINE: The gray hair did not make me feel less visible. I already felt less visible after 55.

But the positive is I’m easily recognizable as a senior citizen and always get a seat on the bus in Italy (not in New York City).

JULIE: It is still weird when I look in the mirror. After all I had dark hair until I was 58 – at least it looked dark. Here is the funny thing – at the same time I went gray, I stopped totally caring about how others perceived me. Some might call it giving up. Some might call it empowering. I’m in the camp of the latter.

CHRISTY: I don’t even think about my hair color much at all. Do I think it impacts people’s impression of me? Yes. At work, especially with the younger generations. In the US, youth has a premium valuation – especially for youth (ha! ha!). I’m at a life stage, where I value authenticity.

My grandmothers both had beautiful hair. One grandmother had thick long white hair, hiding under a wig during the day as was the trend for people of her generation. My other grandmother had beautiful, shiny silver hair that was quite short. I was hoping for the beautiful snow-white version – I also wanted to be 5’7” instead of 5’3” (and that’s after yoga). But I have no regrets. My hair routine is super easy. It takes no time, even when I’m dressing up and it matches my lifestyle: authentic, comfortable and casual.

Many of my friends have opted to go gray or white too. They are beautiful. Honestly, I don’t even notice or even think about the color of people’s hair after the first glance. I remember thinking my dad’s hair was brown, long after he was gray or white, it was in a funny conversation with my husband who pointed out to me that my dad hadn’t had brown hair in the whole time he had known him – 15 years at that time!

Our favorite products for Gray hair:

L’Oreal Paris Le Color Gloss One Step In-Shower Toning Hair Gloss, Neutralizes Brass, Conditions & Boosts Shine, Silver is Christy’s favorite product. Used twice a week, it hasn’t turned her hair purple and leaves it super soft and shiny. Oh, and it’s inexpensive.

Olaplex No. 4P Blonde Enhancer Purple Toning Shampoo, Repairs, Hydrates, & Brightens All Blonde, Lightened, & Grey Hair is not Christy’s favorite. It is sulfate-free, expensive, and used weekly it does brighten hair, but it leaves it feeling crunchy rather than soft.

L’Oreal Paris EverPure Sulfate Free Brass Toning Purple Shampoo and Conditioner Set for Blonde, Bleached, Silver, or Brown Highlighted Hair Kit is Julie’s favorite. Used at least once a week, also sulfate-free it leaves hair soft and shiny.

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